How To Be Confident
Self doubt keeps us from realizing our potential. Self doubt has many names: interference, inner-critic, inner judge, shadow are but a few examples. We will find the origin of doubt in our upbringing:
Parents don’t usually plan to imprint feelings of unworthiness onto their children. These “rules to live by” were boundaries. Many children will interpret these rules as lack of approval from a parent. Lack of approval sends the child in one of two directions.
- Unbridled ambition
- Strong appetite
In the extreme one shows up as workaholism and the other addiction or both!
What Is Ambition?
I’ll Show You! The message heard is, “You aren’t good enough!” The overly ambitious person seeks the same thing as the person who hides their pain with addiction: the approval of others. Solving a problem always begins with an accurate problem statement. Unbridled ambition is any activity overdone to the detriment of another. Concern for the job precedes concern for family. You might bully your team to get results? The overly ambitious will want to be right almost all of the time. Identity is not found in loved ones but in completing tasks.
The better thing is to use influence.
I’m unworthy! This person buries their feelings of inadequacy in over-indulgence. Overeating or drinking too much or drug use are all symptoms of strong appetite. Addictive personality is often the result. This person seeks the thing they were told to avoid. It is the dopamine surge that gets this person through the day.
Overcome Self Doubt: Become Self Aware
Name The Things That Rule You. The solution to both unbridled ambition and strong appetite is awareness. Problem solving begins with knowing the things that control you. Name them. Recognize how they harm you. Awareness leads to choice. Choice leads to trust. Trust in your ability to learn and to change. This may include the help of a loved one, therapist or coach. Whatever you do, your potential is dying to be released. Start today. Here is a free workbook that might help. Lastly, for more on the subject, What would your 10 year old self say to you now?