The Two Principles of Leadership Success: Why Self-Awareness Comes First
Emotional intelligence bases its two fundamental principles upon which all successful leaders must be trained: “When we understand ourselves, we can better manage our actions. When we understand others, we can better manage our relationships.” (EQ God’s Way, page 1)
Stephen Covey established this concept when he said, “Private victory precedes public victory.” (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) Until you lead yourself first, you cannot lead others.
The Private Victory: Understanding Yourself
Self-awareness is the foundation of all leadership development. Leaders who understand their emotional triggers, communication style, and decision-making patterns can anticipate their responses and choose more constructive behaviors. They are aware of when stress clouds their judgment, when their communication fails to connect, and when their assumptions block their view.
This internal mastery is not an event but a daily discipline. The top performers I coach all continually examine their reactions, seek feedback, and adjust their approach based on what they learn about themselves.
The Public Victory: Understanding Others
Once you’ve established self-awareness, you can apply that same lens to look outward. Leaders who understand people can read the room, adapt their communication style for various personalities, and build the trust on which successful teams thrive.
This is not about becoming a mind reader. It’s about building the empathy to be able to see what drives various members of your team, what language works with different stakeholders, and how to design environments in which others can do their best work.
The Practical Application
Start with authentic self-knowledge. What are the habits that persistently recur in your leadership challenges? Where do you find yourself consistently succeeding or failing? Then use that data to learn about your team members’ unique requirements and styles of working.
The leaders who are good at both principles—self-knowledge and other-knowledge—are not just managing people; they are helping people grow personally and professionally. They’ve realized that leadership is not getting all the right answers; it’s knowing the dynamics that create the right conditions for the answers to emerge.
